Online Dating

God almighty, is there anything more depressing than online dating? You sign up to something which costs you cash money and then...nothing happens. Or in fact, worse than nothing. The state of non-dating allows you to at least kid yourself that your ideal woman (a blend of Minnie Driver, Naomi Watts and, oh, someone rather bright and fond of exercise, perhaps Blanka Vlasic) is out there and may even be looking for you. This is a markedly happier state than finding out who in fact is looking for you, and therefore indicating the sort of level you should be working at. So, once you have delicately constructed your profile trying to be genuine (what is genuine? are people the same all the time? I mean, I can appreciate not typing in your profile while drunk, but sometimes one is rather more serious, and other times a little more whimsical - do people allow for that?), whilst also impressive and amusing, you start getting winks or emails from the fine women of London. Although some are not fine. Some make you question the rationality of the winker - do they just wink at everyone and hope for the best? Or are they earnest in classing me as suitable for them? I do not mean to be arrogant, as it's a genuine concern - am I that bad?

So while my confidence is reeling from these persistent blows, I'm trying to find girls who sound like my cup of tea and where there seems to be a common interest, or at least a starting point for a conversation. Ultimately, it's going to come down to a face-to-face meeting, isn't it? Everything else is just filtering, right? My ideal opening gambit email would be, "I like the look of you and I think we'd get on jolly well - have a look at my profile and let me know if you fancy a drink". Possibly even with a date for said drink. However, I never send such an email, they're always sensitive to what's in the target's profile, asking some thoughtful and open-ended questions, with references to why it's relevant to me to indicate I'm not a bullshitter. And you know what? I don't hear much back. Except silence. Second set of body blows to the confidence.

Let's recap - I've paid good money for a service, loaded it up with the kind of personal data an identity thief would give a bin load of utility bills for, and had my self-reliance punched in the gut then elbowed in the back of the neck as it folds over winded. With its last gasps, it has just enough strength to have a dialogue with a girl on the system who actually looks ok, isn't bonkers and responds to emails more or less. And what happens? She turns into a fucking penpal. Honestly, it's either because you can never seem to find a date when you're both free, or she just wants someone to talk to, or maybe she wants to be sure about you before you meet, but these exchanges go on forever, and you know how worthwhile they are? They are not. Because even assuming you do actually meet, the entirety of your written communication counts for about 5% of total attraction to someone in comparison with, what? 30% on appearance? 50% demeanour, smile, voice, walk, personality etc? 15% on social interactions, behaviour with others? So that's 95% of your attraction you're never going to get except by meeting. In fact, screw this online crap - I'm not going to waste my time with it any more.

Therefore my choices become speed dating (a bit dodgy, but at least you get some actual interaction and therefore feedback, even if non-verbal, and it's quite fun), or actually getting to know someone/them to know me. You'd hope the running would help, but so far, nothing. Am I too demanding? Am I going about this ALL wrong? I believe I must be.